I'm not a good friend !

Am I consider a good friend? I really don't know. I think I'd question a question that no answer. Who can tell me the answer?For me, I don't think I consider such a good friend. Why? I don't know. Its just a feeling from myself feels that I'm not a good friends!The only thing I know and I very sure that is, No matter how, I will never giving up my friendship. Never. I will treasure my friendship as you all did. I promise from the beginning til now and then. At others eyes of view, I'm a tough, strong, cheerful person. Anyhow, sometimes... everybody had forgotten that I'm a girl too. On what they can see, everybody thought that I'm a cheerful person. Longer and longer, they forget. They forget that I'm a girl too. They forgot that, sometimes I needs cares too. They forgot that, sometimes I will upset too. They forgot that, sometimes I had a feelings wanna cry too. Because, no matter what happens. I will not show or tells my feelings to friends. Even close friends. I don't want them to worry about me. Sometimes, I feel tired too. I'm not trying to pretended happy or cheerful in front of people. Just that, day pass every minutes every second every hours. So, no matter happy or unhappy... Earth still round, Time still walks.. Nothing will stop. That's why I make sure myself to be cheerful everyday. End up, everything keep inside my heart, never told. Even family also I never told. Maybe it's one of the way that I protect myself from being/getting hurt. Friends told me that, don't be over self-protect, it's not a good behaviours. They told me that, I should at least let some friends get closer into my heart.. at least let them know what's happening on me.. This is what so called 'FRIENDS'.. They told me, not they don't want to know more about me; the problem is everytime people get closer wanna know more, I will keep myself away from them. The other problem is, I always think too much. Once heard that among friends, 1 of them don't like another 1, my negative thinking will come to me.. and I will start thinking whether the person my friend dislike is me or not!?!?!? Once I heard somebody hate another party, I will think whether the person is me or others!?!? My negative thinking just like never ending sticks with me. What can I do!?