这13年… …

虽说过去的已很遥远但，淡一点的疤还是疤！算一算，你已经离开我们13年了，真的是段漫长的日子。起初是很不习惯，日子久了渐渐习惯了！你去世之后，最难熬最难过的人是妈咪。她一直都很坚强的生活着，自己面对所有的一切！更坚强的是从来没有想过要抛弃要放弃我们。至于生意倒是没有继续就是了。你去世之后，很多事情都改变了，生活改变了，妈咪变了，哥哥变了，姐姐变了，还有其它其它的东西都改变了！哥哥（Kelvin）变得爱逞强有什么事都放在心里头没说出来，妈咪一直在担心，他一直放在心里。尤其自从Australia回来之后，整个人变得更加的沉默总是一副忧郁的表情，妈咪更为他操心。daddy你在的话或许不会变成这样吧！姐姐（Elainne）嘛，虽然以前小时不怎么喜欢说话，但不用为她操心，家里最聪明机灵就是她又坚强。迅速又漂亮的从ACCA毕业后有份好工作高薪水。她去年嫁人了，找到好老公，两个都可以算是同行，大家都替他们高兴！你还在的话一定也很高兴很开心！我嘛，虽然小时后是爱哭鬼但，你离开之后就不再是了。现在，坚强多了没那么容易流眼泪也没有以前那么弱小！不过，天气不好时也会胡思乱想一通！前一阵子多年前，心里头曾埋怨过妈咪为什么你离去后就只有我记住在朋友家！渐渐长大，了解到是怎么一回事是为了什么也就没再埋怨什么了。之后有一段时间，总在不知不觉地伤害自己留下了疤痕！不过已经想通了，了解了，也成熟了。现在的我，每天都欢笑过日子；就算有些天心情再怎么失落但我仍然微笑开心地度过每一天！弟弟（Andrew），今年中三了！前一阵子他的确做出伤害妈咪事。不过，现在听话很多。他和elainne一样读书天才但，就和kelvin总是火星撞地球，跟elainne和我感情就很好虽然有些时候还是有吵嘴但感情好，总是气妈咪。你去世时，他才3岁大现在16岁了！他总是说，虽然那时才3岁不过记得你的样子清清楚楚。你若看见现在长到这么大的他，一定很满足，很开心！至于妈咪，你去世之后的她，性格脾气都变得很难顶。前几年开始没做你们以前那行了。她转做casket & funeral service，也很不错没什么不好！最近这几年，脾气没那么暴躁了。不过有时候还是会埋怨说为什么你那么快就去世了！正常吧，我也一样… …阴天雨天，特别的想念你！我相信，kelvin,elainne,andrew他们都一样！你不必为我们操心什么了，因为我们都成长了！妈咪，也活得很好很开心！虽然你的去世，我们失去了你。但我们也得到其它；kelvin找到将成为我大嫂的女朋友，elainne找到好老公幸福快乐，我找到现在这一班好朋友，andrew找到他念书的理由和快感，妈咪也找到她自己生活的乐趣！最近……阴天雨天的……让我又开始想念了，回忆起很多从前但，我会好好的；我们都会好好的！

Face it or Evade

随着时间的流逝，人长大了，要面对的事情就越来越复杂，遇到的困难也越来越多，难题也越来越难。人，很奇妙！当面对一大堆的困难与难题就越不想面对；反而很想逃避。宁愿把难题放置一旁，让时间慢慢的将它遗忘。以为这样就等于把难题解决了！我深信”everything happens for a reason”。 God will never gives problems without solutions!要解决难题并不是件容易的事但，收获却很丰富！至少，尝试去解决！就那样做着呆等什么都不做，难道会迎刃而解吗！这个现代社会，让我们都变得懒散变得懒惰，解决问题懒惰，连说对不起也懒。事情的发生，不会只是单单一方面出错单方面的过错！无风不起浪，一个巴掌拍不响。我们总是为了不必要的执著和顽固，为了那高得很的自尊，就连说声‘对不起’都不愿意！有些时候，那些所谓的自尊是不是应该适时地放下呢；还是说，自尊比任何其他事情更重要？对这世界绝望觉得活得不快乐吗？那是因为曾经品尝过快乐的滋味所以才感受到什么是不快乐！能活在这个世界上已经是最大的快乐不是吗？人不可以没有要求。因为没有要求就不会有进步！但也不能对生活上过分的要求。受了小小的挫折小小的打击就说不想活了！不觉得很无知吗？这个世界上，有些人就连想要活久一点的权利都没有；反而活着的人说不想活！想找死吗？尽管去死！我可以肯定，你一定会后悔！当面对生命的黑暗面感到疑惑无助灰心的时候，别忘记活着是一种当然的权利；没错，我们可能不满意的活着，但死亡却永远不能填补这种不满！人生路途，经历失败是当然的！失败，表示我们曾经努力过，奋斗过；但也不能每当失败就帮自己找出一大堆的歪理和借口。很多事情，换个角度思考，真的会有所不同；但重点是，心也要跟着有所改变！一直沉迷于过去的人是不会进步的！过去很不堪，那都已经过去了！有必要一直回想自己的过去有多么不堪吗！别忘了，眼前还有一道更广阔的路需要自己去走。就当做是为了自己而努力，努力地改变自己的生活！朋友，该说的也已经说过了，该劝的我也已经劝过了！说得太多，你会觉得烦！很多事情你应该清楚知道该怎么处理！要记得，这世界是很大很广阔很辽阔的！死，并不是最佳的解决方法；死了，问题依然存在！死，只会让你身边的人伤心流泪！

I'm not a good friend !

Am I consider a good friend? I really don't know. I think I'd question a question that no answer. Who can tell me the answer?For me, I don't think I consider such a good friend. Why? I don't know. Its just a feeling from myself feels that I'm not a good friends!The only thing I know and I very sure that is, No matter how, I will never giving up my friendship. Never. I will treasure my friendship as you all did. I promise from the beginning til now and then. At others eyes of view, I'm a tough, strong, cheerful person. Anyhow, sometimes... everybody had forgotten that I'm a girl too. On what they can see, everybody thought that I'm a cheerful person. Longer and longer, they forget. They forget that I'm a girl too. They forgot that, sometimes I needs cares too. They forgot that, sometimes I will upset too. They forgot that, sometimes I had a feelings wanna cry too. Because, no matter what happens. I will not show or tells my feelings to friends. Even close friends. I don't want them to worry about me. Sometimes, I feel tired too. I'm not trying to pretended happy or cheerful in front of people. Just that, day pass every minutes every second every hours. So, no matter happy or unhappy... Earth still round, Time still walks.. Nothing will stop. That's why I make sure myself to be cheerful everyday. End up, everything keep inside my heart, never told. Even family also I never told. Maybe it's one of the way that I protect myself from being/getting hurt. Friends told me that, don't be over self-protect, it's not a good behaviours. They told me that, I should at least let some friends get closer into my heart.. at least let them know what's happening on me.. This is what so called 'FRIENDS'.. They told me, not they don't want to know more about me; the problem is everytime people get closer wanna know more, I will keep myself away from them. The other problem is, I always think too much. Once heard that among friends, 1 of them don't like another 1, my negative thinking will come to me.. and I will start thinking whether the person my friend dislike is me or not!?!?!? Once I heard somebody hate another party, I will think whether the person is me or others!?!? My negative thinking just like never ending sticks with me. What can I do!?

Misunderstanding

That day (10th September 2008), what was gone wrong that day? People? Timing? Question? Feelings? Craps? Gossips? I really don’t know and i can’t judge who’s right who’s wrong! Friendship is fragile But I trust both of them. Even before that day i already heard about the issue. One thing i can very sure that is, I never ever suspect what Shan said to me. On the other hand, when Shan knew that Cindy actually knew all about the issue. She don’t know how to face Cindy. Probably, she scared Cindy will think she’s don’t know what kind of person and maybe will not be so friend like last time. All because we CARES! That day mid-night Cindy told me that she cried, she very scared that Shan don’t wan her. Shan told me, she cried too. Both of them out of control. Both cried. All I can do is console them. Make sure they’re alright. All will be like before nothing changes. So, the easier way is, face to face talk about the issue. As i said, past is not that important! Now and this moment is more important. The next day also i very worry about them. I really scared of close best friendship will just gone like this.
Shan , Cindy, u both really didn’t mention to me wanna play withing Prince. Both of u really makes me worry a lot a lot. Not I think too much.. I treasure our friendship too… u know? In the fact that is, end up i’m the one that blur on the half way.. Anyways, all these already become a past tense. I hope that this will never happens again among us.. And so this is what Cindy promise to me, both of u will not happens anything that making our friendship have any changes.. Friends forever.. Bless u all always..

Wonderful & Memorable Day 26 AUGUST 2008

Yesterday... 26 AUGUST 2008, TUESDAY... It's actually already planned for some times that want to go out have some funs. The one who suggest is our friend Lik Wen (Prince). Well, why his nick name is--Prince? This is because our beloved Cindy (Apple Princess). She started this on me. My nick name become--Banana.That day, 26 AUGUST 2008. Early morning Shan message me asked me to online. This is because Shan, Cindy and LikWen also no need attend for class. So Cindy plan to change the destiny. That is don't want to go KLCC but go somewhere else. Then... the whole morning around 9am until 10am++ 3 of us are discussing either go Mid-Valley or 1 Utama. But after the 1 hour++ discussing also we cannot decide. Because we don't know whether the driver (LikWen) can or cannot. End up, we just wait until he come to fetch Shan and me then only ask him see whether he agree to go 1 Utama or not. Luckily, the answer doesn't dissapointed us! He said can!
1pm++ he reached Shan's home to fetch Shan and me. All the way we have talks, chats, jokes... That's a good things. Because last time he really very quiet. Before 1 Utama we need to go Cindy's home to fetch our beloved Princess too. And so we drive to her home... But then only I realised that Cindy see watch is up-side-down.. 3 & 9 is terbalik one... haha.. After that, reach 1 Utama, parked car then go GSC see whether which movie wanna watch. The final decision is watch 'Mirrors' ticket time is 15:50. 4 of us agreed and no problem for that so we buy tickets. Lunch time... but me and Shan breakfast also haven't take. So ask Cindy suggest where to eat. So we go eat Shabu Shabu and the restaurant is playing Jacky Cheung's songs. Yesterday onwards, everytime listen Jacky Cheung's songs sure I will remember 26 AUGUST 2008.. =). By the way, thanks LikWen treated us lunch. Really thanks a lot and appreciated it very much. Then we walk around. I bought nice stuff from Perlini's Silver. I like it very much, must say thanks to Shan. Because she help me to choose the most suitable 1... =) Time reached 17:50. We go back to GSC andthe show end around 19:30. It's not horrible as I think and it's not scary as well. It's very disappointed me as well as them too I think! Then.. it's dinner time. Our dinner place is Chilis... Awsome... Shan end up didnt take or even try lamb...This is the day that the more photos we've take.. around 80 photos... Then LikWen sent us home.. Reached home, got Cindy and Shan message me telling their feelings and thoughts.Shan: "hey,this is my 1st time go out till so late..really thanks loo..although got a bit 'yi han' coz didnt go sing k,but nvm coz next week tuesday v can go sing k.. sweet dream loo..must dream bout me."
Cindy: " 4 loh.. cannot sleep leh.. 脑海里想的都是刚才的画面！very funny ar.. be4 give my sis use pc i go n c 1 more time the pic.. Really very ugly a.. "

It's really a wonderful and memorable day for me, Shan and Cindy at least...

Health and Result

ACCA June 2008 Exam Result already came out on 18 August 2008. At the same day, I went out with LiShan and Cindy. The purpose very simple, be happy 1st, sad later. And so we meet at Sg.Wang around 11am++ . Our booking on RedBox at LowYat Plaza is 2pm. But before that i'd already promised my sister help her to pick the jacket and also help my mummy to buy some cosmetics stuff. Then only we go LowYat Plaza to confirm our booking. In between while waiting Cindy arrive. Me and LiShan had our breakfast at OldTown Cafe. Then when Cindy reached we actually planning to walk around. But then, the LikWen suddenly message LiShan saying that he already checked his ACCA results. Oh My Godness! Our mood all gone... gone bad and worry. Opposite OldTown is CyberCafe and so we planned to checked result first then only go for our early planning. After checking, 3 of us also failed 1 papers. Obviously not the same papers. LikWen, you're a mood destroyer!! Anyhow, we still follow our palnning to enjoy ourselves and cheers ourselves. Before that the important is call friends around asking how was others results and also tell our family about our result how was it been. LiShan called her mother, her mother is very kind of course didn't even scold her. Cindy said tell when back home. Me... message to my brother-in-law and tell him first before i tell my sister. And as I know, my sister will check my result by her own. I know I dissapointed her. This is not what I wish or wanted to be also. I really put my efford on it, class I never missed, homeworks do more never do less, PYQ done all. But still i can get such result. I really don't know what else I can say about. Others friend's result also not that good and majority of them work much more harder than me. I'm sure that they're more upset than me and I also don't know how to console them.
Recently my health gone worst. Yesterday stomach ache gastric until can sleep. And so on until today also haven't cure my gastric pain even though I already took medicine but it doesn't cure. What else I can do. I already fed up to take medicine everyday other than gastric medicine as well. It's suffering me. What to do!

ChildHood memory of my Primary School Life

Today clean my room again... Found that a lots of childhood photos and also primary's, secondary's photos.. It's really very memorable for me. And all these photos meant a lot to me. Those photos full of memorable memories and happiness time between myself and all my beloved friends!
1st Primary's school of S.R.J.K(C) Puay Chai (Year 1995 to 1998) at Petaling Jaya. I just study from Standard 1 until Standard 4. I still remember my classmate name! Especially the boy Jimmy Chin Jin Han. I really attracted by him at that time. Intelligent, smart, hardworking, treat me very well and handsome too. Also I remember his birthday party last time, he invited me to attend too. Of course I attended it :). He was my 1st best friend. They all treated me very well, no doubt on this, especially him. That time they all knew that my dad passed away already, they all very caring & concern me. ( Last time Petaling Jaya area nobody don't know my daddy's shop! ) The other friend Jenny Kok Chek Yen and her mother treated me very good too. Everytime when we having extra class, her mother bought her lunch sure will bought mine also. McDonald's, KFC, or rice... That moment, that time, really very touched. I can still remember how weak I am on that time. Whoever asked about my dad in front of me sure my tears flow out and can't stop. But because of their concern, makes me become strong and I stand up again and face the truth. Especially Jimmy Chin, Jenny Kok, Tan Siu Hong, Christina Lim, and Sheldorn Wong. Thanks a lot and I really appreciated very much. Sheldorn Wong, from Taiwan, follow his family migrated to Malaysia and same class with me (Standard 4). Because of him, I always study hard, work much more harder in my Bahasa Cina paper. Reason is because every time exam he also get 5 marks higher than me. Although my pronous of Chinese very bad but my essay and writting is very good. Everytime exam, I get 80 marks; he sure get 85 marks. I get 90marks he sure will get 95marks. Anyhow, we are very best friend. When he got the news from teacher that I gonna change n transfer to another school at KL, he present me a small bottle of 'xiang si dou'... He said it means he will miss me like the present that he gave me. BeeLian on the other hand, present me a good luck things; that means all the best for my new life..Their name somehow will ever remains deeply inside my heart and my memory. I will not forget how good they treated me. How well they treated me. Presents that they gave to me even until now still i keep in safely:)
Year 1999.Finally new school, new environment. S.R.J.K.(C)Chiao Nan. 2nd Primary school that I study. Standard 5 and Standard 6 (Year 1999 to 2000) 2 years time. I can still remember the 1st day i get into the class, SooMun is the 1st person who place me a sit with chair. There's no doubt that Petaling Jaya area school's standards is much more higher than KL Setapak. Anyways, classmates at this school also not bad. Consider kind and friendly too. Although I knew them just a very short period (2 years) but they're very friendly. That's obviously true.Eventhough until now I still keep in touch with some of them- EstherSoo, EllieSiu, SooMun, HuiYin, WaiKhey, SueHui, KeanChun, ChiewYee, ShawnHue, EricLim, WaiHoong... They also brings me a lot of joyful time, happiness moment. Although we'd arguement with few of them last time but end ups witha happy ending until now and then too.. That's more than enough. Who's right who's wrong sometimes not that important..
Human grow up everyday, earth self-turn everyday and we're changing everyday every second every moment. Last time, a little small matter also we can argue.Thinked back that time, really childish and naive. But it's a path for us to grow up and understand more.Anyhow, naive time had already become past tense. Now the more important is our future tense. Although we are taking different path on our future. I still wish all of you all the best n god bless you to overcome whatever problem. Friendship always be there for those who treasure it.
All the best to you all, good luck in whatever things u all do.